Skin Cancer

Moles. I have lots of them. Small ones, big ones, brown ones, red ones, round ones, square ones you name it. These small little dots can cause a lot of fear and stress in your life if you're like me, a Hypochondriac. If you think about it, these little moles can really determine whether you live... or you die.

Right after my college graduation my parents whisked me away on a surprise retreat to this fabulouse resort in the mountains of Upstate New York. Hikes in the mornings, swimming and spa treatments during the day, outdoor movies at night, all along with five star meals three times a day. All was going well, until our second day hike towards the over look tower. "What is that on your back?" .... "Ya ooh that doesn't look normal, it's discolored." "Oh and it looks like the shape is sort of morphing." My parents were talking about a mole on my back that I've had my entire life that now apparently looks "interesting" and "unusual".

Needless to say, that morning hike caused a great deal of stress in my life from then on after. I returned back to the room and immediately began to research, "abnormal moles" "melanoma" "skin cancer" "How long does it take for a mole to metastasize and kill you?" It. Was. Terrible. Dinner conversations, day time conversations all changed to the discussion of how I need to wear sunscreen all the time, never go out in the sun, and I've done this to myself. I've killed myself with skin cancer. It didn't help that just before al this I was watching the Real Housewives of Orange Country where Kimberly got Skin Cancer and had to move away to Colorado. There I was, I couldn't eat, I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the brownish red spot growing on my back and how I would have to move away from California (If I didn't die beforehand).

 I flew home and went to the doctor to get all my moles checked. Did you know that these little moles can metastasize, and spread cancer to your BRAIN? Thankfully my parents were wrong and the moles were "normal" and "not unusual at all" nothing spread to my brain. But being a Hypochondriac like me, I needed it to be definite. For awhile at least. So I got every single mole removed that was terrifying me so much. I wear sunscreen religiously and have invested in a bottle of self tanner. Hooray!

Eye Cancer

Yes it exists. It's new. They just discovered it a few months ago and lovely Mr. Perez Hilton had to inform me: http://perezhilton.com/?p=62950&cp=2 I guess we all know, you can have cancer of just about anything these days. The common cause is too much sun exposure (aka tanning beds and no sunglasses = what I do all the time) Once I read this article, I started to think about it daily and nightly,  I began to believe it and before I knew it, my vision went completely haywire.  I noticed that if I stare at a white wall, one eye sees the wall with a more cream hue and the other is more white. When I touched my right eye in the mornings it makes a squishy sound. When I read a book, the letters become blurry. In the mirror my right eye seems to be a bit larger than my left and when driving in the car, I blink way too much.

     I described all these symptoms to my eye doctor who took detailed notes. He dilated my eyes and ran every test in the book. The fact that doctors act so seriously and take such precaution with my ridiculous symptoms, makes me believe the symptoms actually exist and freak me out all the more.

    "You have 20/20 vision, nothing is wrong with you. May be it's a sinus infection?" And here we go all over again...

     Funny enough, after all these appointments, I realized that I wasn't dizzy and my head really didn't hurt so bad. My eyes saw just fine and the right eye was symmetrical with my left. I got in my car and drove home relieved, only to realize that with my dilated eyes I couldn't see a single stop sign, light, or street name. I relied on my autopilot memory to get me home and I ran my poor new Jetta straight into a pole...

Brain Tumor.... again.

A few months ago while vacationing in Hawaii I suddenly got a splitting headache (check blog from 9/25/09). I was constantly dizzy, nauseous and naturally scared that I was going to die from an aneurism. It's been two months since then and clearly I didn't die but the pain didn't subside for eight weeks. WebMD told me I had a brain tumor:

SYMPTOMS:

Headaches (Check!)

Nausea or vomiting (Check!)

Changes in speech, vision, or hearing (Half Check!)

Problems balancing or walking (....)

Changes in mood, personality, or ability to concentrate (I'm way more irratible now that I think I'm DYING.)

Problems with memory (I normally have that problem.. Check!)

Muscle jerking or twitching (If I concentrate real hard... Check!)

Numbness or tingling in the arms or legs (...not yet)

I immediately scheduled an appointment with my doctor after the trip. I told her I was dying and needed to be seen immediately. She told me I just had a sinus infection and to just take some Sudafed. Sudafed my ass, I'm dying I tell you. I've watched Grey’s Anatomy, I KNOW. 

I moved to LA on my 22nd birthday and instead of spending it like a normal human being, I scheduled an emergency appointment for a CT scan. Upon my arrival I was whisked away into express registration and sat in the wait room with 30 other patients. I got called in for my scan 1 minute later. BEFORE the woman whose kid was spitting blood. This must mean I have something serious! I laid in the tube for 30 minutes  trying to stay calm. Jesus (pronounced Hay-sus) told me I would know the results in four days.

Four days is an eternity in the life of a hypochondriac so I started my non stop calling to the hospital for the results the very next day. After three calls a day, for three days, I actually made phone friends with Violet the receptionist. On my ninth call, Violet informed me that my CT scan turned out 100% normal. This was probably the best news I have ever heard in my entire life but before I could celebrate and rest easy, Dr. Wiemer informed me that although my scan was fine, my symptoms can be caused by an eye problem...